i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
