My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just invented taco cereal.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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