when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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