You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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