Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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