He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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