I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
