Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Alive.
So much puke
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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