He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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