you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
