Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
