you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
