omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
