your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize