I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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