Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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