He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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