We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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