I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
