I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
