dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
