She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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