I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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