Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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