New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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