I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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