Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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