I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you didnt know i had herpes?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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