Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
