Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
