I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is it because I queefed?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
