I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
