dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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