btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
