Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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