nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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