i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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