please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
