but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
