and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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