Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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