Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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