Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
