Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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