is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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