i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
