just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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