What did we do last night that was yellow?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
