I'm sorry my penis didn't work
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
