Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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