I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
