Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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