You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
