WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
