just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
