Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
