I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
