Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
