I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
