I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
