this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
