We're facebook friends in real life
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
