As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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