What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
