I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
