Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
