I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he's gonorrhea incarnate
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
