Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
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I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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