our cab driver is having phone sex.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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