im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize