They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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