my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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